I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I have post one night stand depression
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
