So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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