11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
