I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
