You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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