Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
