Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I think I am morally bankrupt
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
