Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
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