hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Let's get the cat blown out
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
