i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
