Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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