you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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