Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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