What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
