Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
