question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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