to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
