she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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