I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Watching her eat just hurts me
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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