I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize