I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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