It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
