That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
