so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
