cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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