He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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