Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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