Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
