one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
