I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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