You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
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