Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
