Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
