those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
