His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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