Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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