she sounds like chewbacca in bed
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
