You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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