"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I met the friendliest cop last night
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Randomize
