During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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