Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
