he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
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