He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
