In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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