i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize