Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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