none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
