So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
