your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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