It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
