Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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