I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
