then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
