did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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