So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
