I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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