I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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