Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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