I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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