dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
