I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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