After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
