About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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