Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
MIDGETS
????
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
