my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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