Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I just googled if crying burns calories
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
