i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
