He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
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