he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
