Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
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