Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
