I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
