I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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