I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
