I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Randomize
