I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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