At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize