just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
