p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
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