Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
