All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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