Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
