Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
