shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
