I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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