i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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