i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
